


Through Endless Lifetimes

by koiffish



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Choni - freeform, F/F, Mystery, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-23 00:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13775418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koiffish/pseuds/koiffish
Summary: There's a new student in Toni's school. She might not be what she appears to be.





	1. The Transfer Student

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a new student in Toni's school. She might not be what she appears to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vampire!au *written in Toni's pov

She came to us after a few weeks in the term, I was a senior.

They said she was from another country, specifically where I did not dare to know. Her whole being was foreign enough, a fuse of ancient and modern, a young body with an old soul – perhaps a little too _old_.

She was very pretty, beautiful in fact. She was depicted by our class poet as a ‘winter rose’, perhaps so, as no one could find a more accurate comparison.

As unrealistic and as mysterious as a fairy tale, she was.

It didn’t come as a surprise that the whole school was captivated by the girl, though if I was being honest I’d much rather say hypnotized.

She quickly became the center of attention, both genders fawning over her and she was the perfect socialite – always smiling, impeccable manners, and charming personality. People like me who had always been part of the background gradually became invisible in the dark, away from the bright light around the transfer student.

There was only one thing that kept her from being a full-blown celebrity: she has severe photosensitivity. She couldn’t go out in the sun and her parents have forbidden everyone to take her photos without permission.

An afternoon-night class was decided and formed just for her education needs and the rumors about her family’s wealth and influence became apparent. A lot of kids as expected, also signed up for the night class just to spend time with her. And no one could really blame them, the whole place was under her spell.

I’ve only seen her for about twice and those are just glances. My heartbeat quickened as soon as I first laid my eyes on her, and it wasn’t from excitement or an instant attraction, but rather from fear.

It was something I’ve never felt before but I sensed that an ominous predator was hiding underneath that soft skin. I just don’t understand why nobody else could see that, maybe it’s true that beauty was a perfect disguise.

And no one else could see through it, but me.

+

A few months passed since the girl came and that’s when several kids started to disappear.

There were many speculations; they didn’t find bodies and being high school students and teenagers in general, people would say that they were just being rebellious and ran away or eloped with someone.

But I knew better, and I knew better than to open my mouth. I belonged in day class like most of the unpopular students. I did not have enough courage to join the night class just to play detective. After all, my life was on the line.

Instead I dedicated my free hours researching. I was a regular visitor of the school library, I sought information all over the internet. Dusty old books piled in my room, the computer was always open, my pens were all running out of ink.

I needed more information, more options, more ways on how to stop her, and more escape routes if everything else failed.

The last drop of ink was used that night and I finally got up from my desk and took my purse to buy pens in the store. That was when I encountered a jock from the school; he was attending the night class and if I remembered correctly, has bullied me several times before.

I tried to dodge him but he caught my sleeve, he rounded and taunted me, asking where I was going, he laughed at me. I bit my lip hard and refused to budge from where I was standing.

The bullying lasted for a few minutes and then _she_ arrived out of nowhere.

The hairs on my arms prickled and raised on end when she stood in close proximity to us, asking in a sweet voice what’s going on.

The jock was flattered by her presence and unhanded me almost instantly, brushing aside the truth and blatantly lied in front of my face. He was a smooth operator and if the girl wasn’t _her_ , I have no doubt that she would believe him.

But the girl wasn’t just a girl and I could almost see a disgusted vibe coming from her that was expertly covered by an innocent expression as he stitched lies and explanations.

She took his arm and batted her lashes, playing the role of the smitten teenager. Before they went away, she threw me a look behind his back. It was cryptic but it was clear enough for me. I swallowed the fear and proceeded to the store to buy pens that would last me a year.

+

The next day, they found the jock’s body.

He was beyond recognition and if it wasn’t for the letterman jacket he was wearing, he wouldn’t be identified easily. Investigators concluded that he was mauled by some large animal or several animals. The bite and claw marks all over his body proved that.

I believed what they saw, I also believed what they didn’t see.

The two tiny and healed punctures on the neck directly over the jugular were gone, efficiently hidden by the larger wounds on the jock’s body. She was _very_ thorough.

They interviewed kids from my school but nobody has seen him the night before. It was like he disappeared and then found dead in the woods.

I didn’t say anything, I wasn’t obliged to. They didn’t ask me.

That night, I smuggled garlic to my room, strung them with a thread and fashioned it around my neck. I also added a line of salt on my windows, I put a small wooden cross that was once my grandmother’s property on the bedside table and let the lights flood the four corners of my room.

Still, I wasn’t able to sleep a wink.

I didn’t have to be scared, really. Because I’m sure that she knew I wouldn’t be able to tell a living soul about her. Any person with enough common sense would just laugh at me for being paranoid, for believing in supernatural, and well, for just being me.

I couldn’t stand up to her, that’s a fact. And that fact was also the reason why I’m still alive.

+

After school, before the girl came to town, I’d frequent a stroll in the lake. Not very far from our house but still would take me ten to fifteen minutes of walk. After I knew about her, my strolls stopped and I missed the lake terribly.

It was such a serene place and the water was calming, the old boathouse was still sturdy and I would bring my books there to read.

Several weeks after the jock’s incident, I decided to go and have some quiet time in the lake again. And I figured I would be home before the ‘nighters’ (as the kids in the night class call themselves) were out of school.

I brought the newest book that I owned, a bottle of water, a small flashlight, and under my shirt was a silver cross that was left to me by my grandmother. She was a religious person, bless her soul.

I was very excited and dawdled far too much while walking down the path to the lake, and when I arrived at my destination, the last of rays of the setting sun was just waving goodbye.

And since I knew that I wouldn’t be able to read my book anymore, I shoved it down my bag and just walked the curve of the lake using the flashlight.

Twenty minutes quickly passed and I was thinking of going home when I suddenly felt her presence.

My steps quickened, my heart hammering, my mind racing. And then, my flashlight died.

_What a traitor._

I knew how to get home even in the dark but during that time I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

A cold breeze blew and I felt something unseen touched my cheek.

I almost screamed my lungs out when she materialized in front of me. She was wearing a flowing black dress, her red hair playing in the wind, and the red lips twitched in an amused smile.

_What are you?_

The smile widened as if she read the question in my mind, her lips parted slightly and her teeth showed.

“Are you scared of me?” the voice was sweet and melodious, even softer than when she was talking with the jock.

I wanted to answer: No. I really did, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak or to produce a sound of any kind.

She then floated to me, or so I thought because my eyes were fixed on her face I couldn’t see her feet. She stood so close to me that I could smell her perfume. Her hands cupped my cheeks, they were warm but they felt like the coldest ice to my skin. I was shivering with fear and one minute more I knew I’d pass out.

“Don’t be scared,” she whispered against my face. “…please.”

She gently pressed her lips on to mine and they tasted like the spring flowers’ scent and the purest summer honey, the colors of the autumn leaves, and the crisp winter air.

I didn’t know what happened after that but I was suddenly aware of my hands on her hair, her arms around my waist, and her tongue inside my mouth.

She reluctantly pulled away to let me breathe and I briefly wondered how long we were kissing. I could get a glimpse of the moon peeking behind the clouds and the shadows dancing around us.

Her mouth came back for me and we were kissing again. I was suddenly addicted to the feel of her body against mine, the touch of her hands, her lips, her skin, her everything.

And then a long howl of a wolf took me out of the fantasy land.

I stepped back abruptly that I almost stumbled. Instinctively I pulled out the silver chain under my shirt and braced myself for any attacks.

The attacks didn’t come.

She just stood there, a couple of meters away from me, and looked… sad.

“Are you gonna kill me?” I surprised myself for speaking up, let alone asking her a direct question.

“No,” she replied quietly and without hesitation. “I’d rather face the sun than hurt you.”

“Who are you?” it barely came out as a whisper.

She smiled and looked up at the solemn moon eavesdropping on us. “Does it matter who I am?”

I didn’t know the answer to that, or if it even has an answer. Silence reigned, and only the occasional cricket noises filled the gaps.

“There is only one rule,” she said, breaking the silence. “Never invite me in.”

+

I didn’t know how I got home, I just found myself under the warm bath. The floor littered with my clothes, my bag was nowhere to be seen as well as the flashlight. The silver cross gleamed under the water, contrasting my skin. I could feel my whole body burning.

_What just happened back there?_

I could still taste her on my lips and whenever I close my eyes, I see her face. So I kept my eyes open and brushed my teeth and gargled mouthwash until my whole mouth was stinging with mint.

I’ve decided to keep that incident a secret, and I’m sure she will also keep it that way. Also never go back to the lake again.

I ditched my garlic necklace but I dusted my windows again with salt. I didn’t take off my silver cross but it wasn’t able to shield me from dreaming about her.

It was like in the olden times, even our dresses were ancient, all frills and laces. I even had a bonnet and my hair was tied up in a bun. She was dressed almost the same except her hair was cascading down her shoulders.

We were walking in the woods, large trees all around us and we were alone.

She paused walking and leaned against a tree, she smiled teasingly and beckoned me closer. I planted my hands on either side of her shoulders and leaned, just brushing my lips against hers. She laughed gleefully, pulling me by my waist and gave me a light peck on the lips.

I stared into her eyes mirroring the trees around us. It was enchanting and I was drawn closer to her, kissing her deeply which she readily accepted with parted lips. Her teeth pulled gently on my lower lip as her embrace tightened, and I busied myself with undoing the strings on her dress. She let out a low moan as my mouth went down to her neck and playfully nipped it.

Then something made a growling noise behind us, I turned to look around but all I saw was the red furious eyes and then nothing.

+

I woke up with the sheets and pyjamas damp from my sweat. The sun was up and my mom was pounding on my door, shouting about being late for school.

I quickly got dressed and skipped breakfast, and thankfully caught the bus.

All morning, the dream replayed and I couldn’t get any work done. It was more stressing than the real thing that happened in the lake, I finally gave up and told my teacher that I wasn’t feeling well. He sent me to the nurse who confirmed I had a slight fever and directly sent me home with a note.

After my mother scolded me for not having breakfast and taking a long bath so late in the night that might have resulted to the fever, she fixed me some food and gave me medicine, after that I was told to rest.

But being the obedient kid that I am, I surfed the net instead, looking for the dresses I’ve seen in my dream. I found out they were from the mid-17th century.

I fell into deep thought and happened to look down on my silver necklace. My mother wasn’t that religious compared to my grandmother but she didn’t seem to mind when my grandma passed me all her crosses in the will and I was the only one who got them.

Was it just coincidence that this girl suddenly surfaced and somehow had her eyes on me?

I decided to ask my mother about the necklace during her afternoon tea. She was frowning at me when I came down from my room but her expression cleared when she took my temperature and it was back to normal.

“It was from your grandmother’s grandma, and your great-great-grandma’s grandma and all those before her,” was the explanation I got from mom who was sipping casually on her cup.

“Is there any reason why I got the cross?”

Mom shrugged. “It was some kind of a tradition, the first-born daughter of every third generation gets them.”

“Any reason for that tradition?” I asked again. I was really curious about the history of my heirloom.

My mother sighed, getting tired with all the questions. “We never really asked about them, we just follow them.”

I leaned back on my chair, thinking of my future granddaughter who will inherit all our crosses. I hoped it wouldn’t seem so weird to her. I was just about to go up to my room again when my mother called me.

“If you really want to know about your great-great-grandmas, there’s an old trunk in the attic. I think they must have left something there.”

Needless to say, I practically ran and skipped the stairs to the attic. Sure enough, amongst all the ancient junks and old toys and whatnots, a small trunk made of heavy wood and copper lining heavily coated with dust was there. It was locked with a rusty chain.

I went down again for a hammer from my dad’s to tols and also for my camera.

The lock was old and it easily gave away to my insistent hammer banging, and after the dust settled, I eagerly dug in.

There were black and white family photographs, a glittery pebble, an old army medal, a small bronze trophy, a copper telescope with dirty lens, some letters, deeds of sale, baseball cards and several journals clothed in leather.

My mom’s head poked out from the stairs. “Found anything?”

I showed her the photographs and she joined me sitting on the attic floor. While she inspected the photos, I scanned the first pages of the first journal I saw.

The words were written in a very fancy way, not unlike the cursive type fonts on the computers. The pages were really old and crispy and yellowed but they were still readable, I just need to be really careful in handling them.

“Mom’s grandmother kinda looks like you, if she was any younger,” my mom commented while looking at one photo.

I chuckled. Possibly, I mean we’re family after all. Same blood, right?

“Crap, this is like you,” my mom said again, looking at another photo. “Holy-”

Curiosity took over and I snatched the ancient photo from her which thankfully didn’t get ripped.

Well, she wasn’t flipping out for no reason. The portrait lady on the grainy black and white image really did look like me. At least when I get to be in my twenties, but the uncanny resemblance was there.

There was a date scribbled at the back – _August 1880._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will be updated once a week


	2. New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni might have found an ally.

I spent every free hour studying the journals that were once owned by my ancestors. I even started bringing them to school, to which my classmates would frown upon and gossip behind my back when there’s nothing productive to do.

The issue about the boy who died eventually faded away when sightings of the wolves in the forest where he was found surfaced. The town got a rounding shift of rangers who patrolled the place every few hours and everyone was at peace again.

Except me, who was still stuck in the loser shoes whilst trying my best to save the world and not even getting some kind of recognition for it. Granted that I haven’t begun saving it but still.

I’ve never cared about my school image since I’m pretty much invisible to everyone else but suddenly fate decided to play a trick, and there was someone I never thought in a million years would approach me during lunch.

I was sitting in the corner and in-between chewing and reading the oldest journal from the trunk – it was written back in 1752 by someone named Catalina whom I assumed was my ancestor. She was currently rambling about the recent good harvest and her parents discussing about migrating to the Americas which seemed like a popular trend to a lot of European people those days.

Looking past the journal, I noticed a pair of bare legs directly in front of my table. My eyes traveled up and the legs ended in a pleated cheerleader skirt.

Imagine my shock when a _cheerleader_ happened to get lost and somehow strayed in my corner.

“Hi,”

The greeting was hesitant, as if it was spoken in a foreign tongue and the speaker wasn’t sure if the pronunciation was correct.

I finally acknowledged her presence – I was smug for all obvious reasons, since getting approached by someone generally admired by the school only happens every blue moon – my sight landed on a pretty face framed by straight dark hair.

Good grief, she’s not just _one_ of the cheerleaders; she’s the vice-captain of the squad.

_What was she doing in day class?_

Did she get kicked out of the club? Did she sleep with the captain’s boyfriend and got humiliated for that reason? All my thoughts were along that line, and they’re maybe on the _wrong_ line but I couldn’t help it.

“Yeah?” I croaked, also unsure of what she wanted with me.

“Can I have a seat?” she gestured to the empty plastic chair beside me.

 I was beyond shocked this time, not only did she want to talk to me, she was also being polite as hell and wanted a seat on _my_ table.

_Wonders never cease._

“I guess so,” I shrugged coolly. “Yeah, sure.”

She looked around first, then also shrugged and took the seat, edging it on the opposite side to face me.

“I have to talk to you,” she said in her probably-most-serious voice.

Now, it was just unbelievable at this point. I was pretty sure they were playing a prank on me because first, there’s no way these people would talk to me, and second, there’s no topic in the world that both of us would agree on.

I tilted my head and met her gaze. “Talk?”

I guess I sounded suspicious enough because she sighed and stood up, then grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the mess hall. She didn’t stop until we were inside the yet-to-complete botanical garden in the greenhouse building located at the back of the school.

She released my hand and crossed her arms, she was looking very irritated.

“Okay, I know this may come as a surprise for you.”

It took all of my willpower not to roll my eyeballs on her.

_You don’t say._

“Trust me, I also wouldn’t do this if I have any choice,” the cheerleader continued impatiently.

I decided to be frank to shorten the amount of time getting wasted in this useless conversation. I wasn’t even halfway in reading my first journal and I was itching to get back to them.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“The transfer girl,” she answered without even batting those long fake lashes.

 I didn’t know what to feel during that time. Confused? Scared? Curious?

_Someone has seen us in the lake?_

“Who?” I played innocent while trying to think of a way to escape this confrontation.

She raised one perfectly lined brow. “You know _who_ I’m talking about.”

“Why?”

She sighed and nervously looked around. “What do you think she is?” she asked in a broken whisper.

I was stunned for a second, then finally gathered the bits of my splattered consciousness.

“How much do you know about her?” Honestly, I was too excited to play detective but I kept my enthusiasm down to a neutral level, no sense in scaring away a potential asset.

“I don’t know… I’m not sure,” she replied, and for the first time I can see that she’s frightened. “All I know is that she’s not a normal person.”

I wondered how she knew that the mysterious transfer wasn’t a normal person. Did she see her flying or floating – and then it hit me – why was the cheerleader asking me about _her?_

“Why are you asking me about her?”

“Because you’re the only senior who isn’t kissing her feet or worshipping her,” she said matter-of-factly.

I wanted to talk more with her but an almost deserted greenhouse was never a suitable conference room. We will have to discuss in a more secure place – like maybe my house.

“Can we just talk after school?” I asked her, rapidly scribbling my address on a piece of paper. “Do you still have the night class?”

“No,” she accepted the address. “I told them that my eyesight was getting bad and they put me back in day class.”

“Is your vision getting bad?”

She shrugged and started to walk out. “It was a good excuse and it worked, didn’t it?”

I rolled my eyes this time, cunning people are cunning.

+

I haven’t told my mother that I was expecting someone that afternoon because I wasn’t sure if she’d come.

But she did.

I opened the door and she was there, wearing comfortable shorts, a tank top, and a black jacket. She had a small backpack and her hair was tied to a ponytail.

“Can I come in?” she asked me after I just stared at her for a while.

I let my thoughts wander for a bit. I still don’t know her purpose and I’m not sure if she really stopped being a part of the night group. I have to be careful.

“I’m not gonna invite you in,” I told her, and put a hand up before she could open her mouth to protest. “I’m just gonna tell you that you enter on your own will but I’m not gonna invite you in.”

Her brows furrowed as she pondered on my words and then her face lit up.

“You got what I’m saying?”

She shrugged. “Fine by me,” then stepped across the doorway and to the living room, walking past me without a hitch.

My mother suddenly came out of the kitchen as I shut the door and saw the visitor.

“Hi…” her eyes went back and forth between us, obviously confused. “And this is…?”

“Oh, I’m Veronica,” the cheerleader smiled politely. “I just asked for your daughter’s help for our homework. She’s really smart and I could use some assistance. I’m sorry for barging in.”

 I forced a smile and tried to go along with her statement. “That’s me, just being helpful and all.”

Mom was surprised but nonetheless pleased because I finally started making friends with people roughly my age. It’s a miracle. I’m usually just friends with the occasional snail on the sidewalk.

“”Of course, no problem. If you need refreshments, just get something out of the fridge,” my mother said and then she went back to the kitchen.

We both nodded and I motioned her to the stairs up the second floor where my room was.

“You’re a natural liar,” I muttered as we climbed up.

She glared at me. “Don’t start.”

+

Veronica and I struck a very unlikely friendship after we started doing afternoon researches. She also quit from the cheer squad after an argument with the captain who demanded to know why she was hanging out in my house because the kids in the school were starting to spread ridiculous rumors about the two of us.

I felt sorry for her but the only thing she said was: “I’d rather be unpopular than die prematurely.”

I haven’t told her yet about the lake incident and I don’t see any reason why I should, maybe I would in the future (providing I don’t die first) but right now it will stay as a secret.

I did tell her, however, about the journals and our family’s cross-passing tradition. I explained my theory that my family might have had a run-in with the supernatural beings in the past and that the journals may offer some clues and ideas on how to deal with them.

“Since the first say, I can feel that she’s already different but I can’t point out anything wrong with her, and honestly I thought I was just jealous of all the attention she’s getting,” Veronica confessed to me one afternoon while she was finishing Dracula by Bram Stoker on my bedroom floor, I was on the bed and still skimming journals.

“But I guess she wasn’t that bad, before someone died of course,” the former cheerleader added. “I mean, she was really intelligent and everyone started studying hard just to impress her, the teachers were all happy about it. For once, being smart wasn’t dumb.”

I shrugged nonchalantly, engrossed with reading the journal entry of Catalina talking about her twin sister Esparanza whom became a companion to the young Lady of the castle in their village – the only daughter of the Viscount.

“Every night class was like a gothic-themed party, everyone was wearing black and leather and red lipstick to match her outfits. It was fun,” she mused further, her voice pulling me back from the 17th century.

I looked down on Veronica, briefly taking an interest. “Do you wanna go back to the night class? Seems like you’re missing it so much.”

She chuckled dryly. “No way, not going back, ever.”

I ditched the journal after inserting a bookmark between the pages I was currently on and joined her on the floor.

“You think she’s already bitten someone?” I asked her. “You know, to turn them like her?”

Veronica thought for a while and then shook her head.

“All the boys were bragging that they’ve kissed her and made out with her and whatnot, but I don’t think anyone has. She flirts around, yes, but I get this vibe that she feels we are inferior to her. And if she’s _really_ what we’re thinking that she _is_ , then nope. I don’t think she’d consider turning one foolish kid into something like her.”

I felt flattered and offended at the same time by what Veronica said. I didn’t think it was even possible to feel that way. I’ve kissed the transfer but the fact that she didn’t turn me must have meant that I’m not worthy of it.

Don’t get me wrong though, being a bloodthirsty immortal was not one of my goals in life.

“Do you think she’s pretty?” Veronica asked out of the blue.

I glanced at her, wondering what’s up with that question.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I replied as solemnly as I could. “I mean, everyone’s saying that.”

Veronica shrugged almost sadly. Maybe she was really missing the perks of popularity – for someone who had it all their life, it must have been quite a blow to her when it disappeared in an instant.

“I think you’re pretty,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “No kidding.”

She giggled then jokingly hit me with the book she was holding. “Do you have a crush on me?”

“What? No!” I denied despite of the heat I could feel creeping up on my cheeks.

“Yeah, whatever,” she was still smirking, then she glanced down on her watch and got up from the floor. “Gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I accompanied Veronica to the front door, handing her one of the journals from the trunk. “Anything interesting from that, write it down, okay?”

“Sure,” she stared at me, suddenly teasing again. “You sure you don’t have a crush on me?”

I narrowed my eyes, pretending to get annoyed. “Seriously?”

She unexpectedly leaned closer and planted a kiss on my cheek and then laughed at my reaction.

“Jeez, it’s just so you don’t have to fantasize about it tonight.”

I punched her shoulder lightly, face red from embarrassment. “Bastard.”

She laughed again and walked away, she glanced back once and waved. I waved back and then stiffened when I felt like being stared at.

I looked around and saw nothing, the sun wasn’t even down yet. I shook my head to get rid of the eerie feeling and shut the door.

+

I was getting ready for bed that night when I got a call from Veronica. I thought she was gonna tease me again about what happened that afternoon but I was wrong.

It was a call for alarm.

“Hello?”

“She’s outside my fucking window.”

I was shocked, her room was also at the second floor of their house, surely not-”

“Who?”

“The transfer student,” she hissed to the phone, I could almost taste the fear in her voice.

“What? Shit! I’m coming over. No matter what you do, don’t let her in!” I was already panicking.

_Is my only friend bound to die tonight?_

“NO! Don’t come, she will kill you! Oh my god, she’s staring at me. Fuck, what am I going to do?” her voice cracked, she was almost crying.

My decision was pretty much cemented. “Look, I’m coming over whether you like it or not-”

“She will murder you! Don’t you understand that?”

“No, she won’t,” I said, zipping up my bag full of garlic and salt and most of my crosses.

“How did you know that she won’t?”

“She told me herself,” I replied, then regretted it instantly when silence filled the line.

“She told you?” Veronica’s voice has calmed down considerably. “But you didn’t tell me that you talked-”

“I was going to tell you but I- I’m sorry, I swear I was gonna tell you,” I sighed deeply. “Look, I’m coming over and I will explain everything, in the meantime, call the cops.”

“I swear to high heavens if you come here I will go out of the house right now!” she screamed to me and she sounded mad, and the anger gave her courage.

“Fine then, I’m not,” I said, giving up. “But if you don’t call the police, we’re not sure if she’ll go away.”

“Fuck the police,” she growled to the phone. “And her, too. If she wants to hang around my house until the sun comes up, I couldn’t care less. I hope she burns.”

I can only sighed when Veronica cut the line without as much as saying bye. I will have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow.

It’s gonna be long time for all of us.


	3. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is slowly learning her connection to the mysterious student.

Despite that I was literally and nervously chewing my fingernails to nubs while waiting for another call from Veronica; as the night went on, drowsiness came and knocked me off.

And along with sleep, dreams visited as well.  
I was in some kind of a castle. The walls were made from sawed stones, the floor was of polished marble, the ceiling was high, there were passageways and arches everywhere. The place was huge but my feet hurried towards a very familiar direction, as if I’ve been in there for plenty of times.

I patiently mounted the snaking stairway, and found the lady-in-waiting beside the oaken door of the room which I am about to enter.

She nodded her head in a silent permission. I let myself in as quietly as I could, afraid to break the fragile silence enveloping the dimly lighted room.

The heavy curtains were blocking out the bright sunlight from the outside. The large four-poster bed was in the center of the room, and a pale figure lied beneath the sheets.

The flickering candle in the corner was the only source of illumination, but that’s all I needed for what I’m about to do.

I tiptoed to the edge of the bed and leaned over the frail girl, brushing away strands of dark red hair from her face. It was the face I’ve known so well, though it was hardly the same face at all.

I don’t know why but in the dream, I possessed a strong feeling of affection and concern toward her. It was beyond friendship or sisterly love, it was as if-

“Hope…” her dry lips barely moved, and her lids opened, revealing the glassy eyes.

“I am here, Miss,” I replied, fixing my gaze on her face.

It was almost painful to see the thin, almost translucent complexion of the sick girl. Her blue-green veins throbbed gently under her skin, as well as on her temples. Every breath was a struggle, and dying was a long process.

If her father would be so honest, killing her should act as a mercy to all of them.

But she can’t die, not if I can help it.

“Hope…” she whispered again in a tired voice. “I am hungry… it hurts so much.”

I rolled my left sleeves up to the elbows and then lowered my wrist to her mouth.

I tried hard not to wince as a pair of sharp canine teeth entered my skin, and she hungrily sucked in the precious fluid. As she fed, a strange sensation flowed to my body.

It was of pleasure, an arousing feeling. I exhaled harshly as my heartbeat quickened, and air came in shallow gasps. I bit my lip hard to stifle a moan as my fist closed around the sheets, and bliss filled every part of me.

I almost protested with disappointment when she was done. And as the pair of tiny wounds on my wrist started to heal, color crept back to her cheeks, her eyes became alert, and the strength came back.

She pulled me in for a kiss and I tasted my own blood in her mouth.

+

I woke up sweating again and breathing heavily. I felt embarrassed of these dreams. That’s why I’ve never told my mother about them. But I felt like I’m missing something, like it should be obvious and I should know about it.

The first streak of daylight outside the window caught my attention and almost dove for my phone to see if there was anything from Veronica. There was nothing, it’s just either she’s okay or she’s dead.

But as soon as the sun came up, she was standing on my doorstep.

And as soon as I opened the door, she went inside the house, brushing past my shoulder and climbed straight to my room without a single word uttered.

I decided to make cups of coffee for both of us. I don’t know about her but I’m in dire need of some caffeine to force the memory of the dream away from my mind. Also, I lacked sleep because of what happened to her last night.

But seeing her alive and well (though she was looking like she aged a couple of years overnight) gave me relief beyond words.

She was lying with eyes closed across my bed when I stepped in my room, holding a tray of coffees and toasts.

“Coffee?” I asked her while carefully setting the tray on my study table.

Her eyes fluttered open reluctantly, and she sighed, lazily sitting up.

“When I got off the phone with you, she just disappeared. But I still locked the house, let the lights on, and guarded all night drinking gallons of coffee. Thankfully, my parents were out of town and I was alone in the house.”

She rubbed her sleepy eyes and yawned, then glared at me.

“Can you tell me exactly what you are to her because I really don’t get why a peck on the cheek would earn me an early death?” she asked, face void of any pleasant emotion.

I knew it. I admit it was my fault for not telling her earlier but it definitely wasn’t on me that the supernatural girl was extremely territorial. Mind you, we’re not even in any kind of relationship.

So I sat beside her on the bed and I told her everything that happened starting from the jock bullying me up to my stroll in the lake, but didn’t mention the dreams to her.

Because really, they seemed more like a wet dream than anything else and it would surely earn me endless teasing.

She listened attentively, and not once opened her mouth to interrupt. Few minutes after I was done with my story, she was still quiet. I was starting to wonder if she just fell asleep with her eyes open.

Then with a move I didn’t see coming, she got hold of my nape and drew me closer. The kiss tasted of mint and coffee. I was surprised but still could feel the distinct difference between the way they kiss. (And yes, I was comparing them). The transfer was all sensual and sexy, but hers was softer, sweeter, and sensitive.

Unconsciously, my mouth moved against hers, and I knew she wasn’t expecting that I would kiss her back because she pulled away, but I chased her lips, hooking my arm around her neck.

She didn’t object, but I could feel her smile while we were kissing.

The alarm going off on my bedside table startled us and broke up whatever we were doing. And only then that warm embarrassment slowly got through me.

She was laughing softly while I was restless as hell and as red as a ripe tomato.

 _What the fuck are you doing kissing everyone?_ I mentally scolded myself.

“Jeez, will you calm down?” she put both hands on either of my shoulders and stared at me. “I only wanna know what she saw in you,” she explained, then let out a teasing smile. “And maybe I was a little jealous because she got to kiss you on the lips and I don’t.”

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. This was honestly getting irritating, like they’re only treating me as some kind of a prize.

I stood up and almost snatched a coffee off the tray then sipped from it thoughtfully. I turned to her; embarrassment fully drained now and was replaced with slight disappointment. Maybe because I was hoping for a different reason as what urged her to initiate the kiss?

“I’m not that special, you two should go after someone more popular to have a competition on.”

This time, it was her who rolled her eyes, but instead of retaliating, she went to me, took the cup out of my hand and walked to the door.

“Will the ugly duckling have a turn in the mirror and finally realize she’s already a beautiful swan?”

+

I found my mom and Veronica on the kitchen table discussing something. Several old photographs and the journal I gave her yesterday laid open in front of them.

My mother looked up and saw me standing on the doorway.

“When are you going to tell me about Veronica helping you with the journals?”

I felt guilty but it’s too late to lie about it. And besides, the girl was there, her eyes daring me to oppose. “Are you mad?” I asked my mother instead, ignoring Veronica’s looks.

“No,” she shook her head and motioned me to come closer. “I just wished you could’ve told me earlier.”

“Yeah,” the former cheerleader piped in. “There are information that should have been shared from the start.”

I swear this girl was still not over with me kissing the transfer.

I decided to let that double-meaning remark pass, and took a chair at the table.

“What’s all these?” I gestured to the photos and the journal.

“Well,” Veronica started explaining. “The journal you’ve given me was owned by this lady,” she pointed to the photo of my look-alike great-great grandma.

“And?”

“And…” she glanced discreetly at my mother and then pointedly stared at me.

“What?”

“We have to tell her about the transfer student,” she said. “In order for me to continue spilling information.”

“What transfer student?” My mom asked, eyes moving back and forth between us.

“Well…” I had to rack my brain for the briefest explanation. “There was this transfer and she’s a foreigner and we were thinking she stayed seventeen for at least two hundred and fifty years now.”

My mother swore under her breath but audible enough for us to hear it. It was also the first time I’ve heard her cursing, too.

“And I thought your grandmother was just making up stories.”

“What!?”

_All this time she knew something?_

“People,” the other girl sharing the table held up her hands. “Maybe it’s time to just let out all the secrets that should be shared? Specifically important ones?”

Mom sighed; she got up and poured herself some water. She leaned on the counter and drank half of the glass before she started to talk.

“My mama – your grandmother – told me things when I turned eighteen. They were hard to believe so I dismissed them as just teenage fairytales. She also told me about the cross tradition and that she has to pass them to you, but I never really thought of questioning the real intent of that tradition.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” I interrupted and Veronica kicked me under the table for the disruption.

“You have to be eighteen,” my mother replied matter-of-factly.

I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t my fault that I was just seventeen.

“Your grandma told me,” mom continued. “That there was someone after us, or rather, every sixth generation when the blood was stronger. And that’s why she was so protective of you.”

_Blood._

The image of the frail girl on the sheets came back to me.

“The crosses were dutifully passed every third generation, but this… whoever was after us, somehow finds the first born daughter of the sixth generation very much easily because of the blood.”

“What happens when that person finds the daughter?” I asked.

“No one knows,” My mother shrugged. “But it was very dangerous, Mama said.”

“She was sixth generation,” Veronica said, pointing to the owner of the journal in her hands whose face I very much resemble. “One of her entry said: _It found me._ And it was dated December 1879.”

I felt shivers down on my spine. And even if I didn’t have to ask, I could already guess to which generation I belonged.

But I had to ask to make sure.

“So, what generation am I?”

My mother sighed regretfully. “You’re a sixth.”

And I was a first-born.

Veronica threw me a sympathetic look.

_Wonders never cease. What an exciting life._

“That means that whoever it is will find me?” I wondered loudly, eyeing them with uncertainty.

“She already found you,” they said in unison.

+

The questions are: why was she after us/me and what can I possibly do to stop her chasing after my blood? I can’t just let my future great-great granddaughters keep looking over their shoulders to see if there was someone strange hunting them.

It had to stop.

Though I never thought that her connection to me was this deep, even stretching as far as centuries ago. It was weird, but I finally learned how I knew she was a different being.

Veronica and I were in my room once again when my mom went to the town registry to find more about our ancestors.

“That’s why you looked so much like her,” the girl sitting beside me said, studying the old photo in her hand. “Because you’re also a sixth, which is very creepy.”

“Can you stop comparing us?” I muttered in irritation. “I’m starting to feel like I’m a freaking reincarnation or something.”

She shrugged, and went back to the journal of the lady from the late 18th century.

“Wow,” she exclaimed after a while. “This lady fell in love with the wrong person.”

I lifted a brow. “Wrong person?”

“She fell in love with another girl, which was a very scandalous during the olden times,” she smiled teasingly and winked. “Your ancestor was gay.”

“What a revelation,” I mumbled blandly.

“What’s more, the very person she fell in love with was the one she should be avoiding. So, it’s a double double forbidden love ” Veronica continued, then her tone changed. “But I guess it’s love, forbidden or not, it was so strong that it cannot be contained.”

I stared at her skeptically, then sighed. “It’s not a romance novel, it’s a journal,” I pointed out.

“I’m just saying,” she said mildly.

I went back to my own researches. Feeling frustrated that I haven’t got any clues about Catalina’s connection with the transfer student yet.

“Catalina… Catalina…” I chanted loudly while reading her entries. They were still about Esperanza becoming a governess of the young Lady from the castle, while Catalina joined a local convent.

“It means pure,” Veronica piped behind the crinkly pages. “Her name, it means pure,” she added.

“How did you know that?” I asked, looking at her sideways.

“Spanish lessons,” she replied without glancing at me. “Very handy sometimes.”

“Alright,” then another name caught my attention. “What about Esperanza?”

“Esperanza means hope.”

_Hope._

In my dream she called me Hope.

“Shit,” I mumbled while rapidly scanning the few pages left in the journal. The castle, and the young mistress, the clues were so obvious that I felt like banging my head on the wall for not getting it sooner.

_“The young Lady and Esperanza were in the woods during the sunset when an unknown animal attacked the poor ladies. The young Lady sustained a small bite…”_

_“Esperanza tearfully told me about the young Lady feeling ill and she could not go out to the sun no more…”_

_“The Viscount had men scoured the woods in search for the animal who had bitten his daughter in a wish to find a cure, but his men found nothing save for the deer and a couple of ancient unmarked tombs…”_

_“I scarcely see my sister nowadays; she was already living in the castle and would not leave the young Lady’s side…”_

_“My parents sent me a letter saying that the young Lady was getting well and would go out the garden every night, but my sister contacted a mysterious illness…”_

_“I had to leave the convent for a few days in hopes of seeing my sister, I could not bear not to see her anymore, they told me her condition was getting worse…”_

_“My heart is eternally broken today… Esperanza is dead.”_

_“Last night… the young Lady came for me…”_

The journal ended.


	4. All I Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of reckoning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I just want to clear something because I realized that people thought that Toni/Veronica is endgame, and while yes, it’s plain to see they got some feels for each other in the story, but like what I said before – the ending is OPEN. Neither or either pair could have pursued a relationship outside of the story and beyond what I’ve written.
> 
> Well, I just decided to post the remaining chapters and I guess you could skip to the end and decide :)

I was very skeptical of telling Veronica what I just discovered, but the information was crucial in finding out the real reason as to why the transfer student was after me and/or my blood. There were also clues given that were clearly pointing to when the _change_ in the young Lady’s body occurred.

There’s only one thing that kept me in puzzlement: how did Esperanza die?

“Hey,” I called the attention of the girl sitting on the bed.

“Hmm?” she barely looked up from the pages she was totally engrossed on.

“I found something,” I said quietly.

She looked at me this time, and when she saw my expression, it registered to her that I was done fooling around. Not like I was just fooling around all these times.

“What you got?”

I held up the journal to the air like some kind of a trophy. “I just knew that _she_ wasn’t born like that, she was bitten in the woods while strolling with Esperanza. And I’m just guessing but I think that the biting incident was the turning point of it all.”

“Who’s Esperanza?” she asked, eyeing me like I’m a kindergarten teacher reading a story book.

“Esperanza was Catalina’s identical twin,” I explained patiently, almost feeling like _the_ kindergarten teacher. “Catalina was the owner of this journal, dating back to 1752.”

“Anyways,” I continued. “Esperanza was hired as a companion and a governess to _her_ , and they had a very close relationship according to Catalina’s entries. But then _she_ got bitten, and she was very sick after that. As expected, no one knows how to cure her and she got worse that her father actually started to consider the idea of mercy killing.”

“They didn’t know she turned to a vampire?” she asked incredulously. “I bet her father did, though.”

“It wasn’t an open idea those days,” I replied. “It was believed as a myth because nobody has had any hard evidence to support the rumors. I also think that the Viscount would rather have his daughter die known as a human being than for her to live and be branded as a monster.”

“Twisted thinking,” Veronica mumbled gravelly. “But even then, it’s all about image. And I can’t really blame him.”

I nodded in agreement. I’m not in the right place to judge the Viscount because I wasn’t the one with that dilemma. Would you rather save your child even though you’re fully aware that people might die because of her thirst for blood, or would you have her killed and save those people?

Your daughter or your people?

I pitied him, honestly. I can imagine the pain he went through; but past was past, and whatever his decision was, it can never be altered again.

“So, if nobody knew about her condition, how did she survive?”

“Somebody did,” I sighed bitterly. “Esperanza somehow presumed that all _she_ needed was blood and she gave it to her.”

“That’s also what Elizabeth did,” Veronica exclaimed, her face displayed childish excitement. “She also fed her, but just after she fell in love with her, of course.”

“Who’s Elizabeth?”

“The owner of the journal I’m reading, one of your ancestors. Duh.” she answered impatiently, and then her expression clouded. “Wait, did Catalina also write that Esperanza was feeding the Viscount’s daughter?”

_Here we go._

“Uh…” I opened my mouth to answer but I didn’t know how to explain it to her without mentioning the dreams. “Not exactly…”

“Is there anything you weren’t telling me about?” she folded her arms and acted suspicious.

I cowered under her blazing gaze. “There is a tiny bit of information I might have left-”

“How tiny?” Knives were coming out of her eyes, and her aura made it clear that I have nowhere to hide.

_Shit. I’m so dead._

“Fine,” I gave up, and decided to let it all out, she’s bound to know sooner or later anyway. “Remember that first time we had contact at the lake?”

She merely nodded, her eyes not leaving mine.

“After that, I dreamt about her-”

Veronica quickly interrupted. “You had a dream about her and you didn’t tell me?”

I rolled my eyes. “And this is the very reason why I didn’t tell you, I knew you’d react like this.”

She waved her hand dismissively, ignoring what I just said. “What was the dream about?”

“We were walking in the woods and we kissed-”

“You were fantasizing about her!?” and even though she didn’t say it, I knew she was thinking: _How dare you!?_

“It’s not like that!” I stated in my defense. “They were Esperanza’s memories and I was just dreaming about them!”

“But you’re the one dreaming!” she insisted, her tone changed again, a few octaves higher this time.

“Remember that the blood goes stronger every sixth generation and I am sixth, so that’s probably the reason why Esperanza’s memories were clearer and I get glimpses of them.”

Her expression softened but there was still doubt in her voice. “How did you know you’re dreaming of her memories and you’re not just dreaming regular dreams?”

“Because…” I said slowly and patiently as I could. “That was when they got attacked by something, and the Viscount’s daughter was bitten.”

“So, you were making out and something attacked you?” she summarized for me, eyebrows adamantly raised.

“I told you that it wasn’t me she was with!”

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. “Are there any other dreams I should know about?”

I heaved a deep breath to level my flaring temper before answering. “I dreamt that Esperanza was feeding Cheryl her blood and _she_ called her Hope.”

Veronica suddenly stiffened at the sound of the transfer’s name. There was an unwritten agreement between us to never speak of her name in a conversation. But now I don’t see the point of it.

If Veronica was disturbed by me breaking our rules, it only showed for a fraction of a second, and then she was dangerously stone-faced again.

“And?”

“Esperanza was in love with her, so does Elizabeth, and probably all the other women she found.” I said, uneasy with her dominant gaze.

“ _She_ found you,” Veronica murmured idly. “Are you in love with her?”

_Am I?_

It took me a minute to carefully assess the scattered emotions within myself.

“There’s a part of me that feels like I have known her forever, and yet she was still a stranger. There’s a part of me longing for her, yet I am scared of her presence. There’s a part of me wanting to be with her, though I know it wouldn’t be possible without one of us dying.”

“There’s a part of me with an endless affection for her, and at the same time, loathes her existence.”

Then I turned to Veronica beside me.

“So tell me, am I in love with her?”

+

The sound of Veronica’s rhythmic drumming heartbeat made me wonder if Cheryl really loved Esperanza so much that she was willing to pursue fragments of her memories through her descendants.

Am I really just one of her rebirths and was born to play the role of the immortal’s companion and eventually has to die for _her_ to continue living?

“What if I was just Esperanza’s reincarnation?” I said loudly, questioning no one in particular. We were lying on the pillows with my ear pressed to her chest. Her steady breathing was like a calming music to me, and I was taking advantage of it.

She resumed playing with my hair strands. “I don’t care, and I don’t think you’re just a reincarnation. She’s not you and you’re not her, even if you have her blood.”

“Should I be flattered or offended?”

She chuckled and teasingly poked my cheek with a finger. “I’m sure Esperanza was great, but I don’t think she can hold a candle to you.”

I smiled inwardly.

But I didn’t have time to further muse about our personal feelings for each other because we just heard the sound of my mom’s car entering the premises.

We scrambled downstairs, eager to know what information she have this time.

My mom looked older than the last time we saw her and that was just several hours ago. Maybe she just uncovered something really bad about the past.

“Something wrong, mom?”

She stared at me, and then her eyes flickered to Veronica who was standing a step behind.

I suddenly wondered if I got some of Veronica’s lipstick on my face.

But before I could ask, she motioned towards the kitchen and we followed her.

She took a paper out of the folder she was holding as soon as we settled down around the table. “She found three of them, excluding Catalina and Esperanza.”

Veronica and I exchanged knowing glances. We already knew of Elizabeth.

“She also went after Catalina?” she asked, wide-eyed. “She was two-timing all along?”

“She only went after Catalina when Esperanza died.” I quickly butted in, forgetting to tell her of it back in the room. “And since they were twins, they share the same blood figuratively and literally.”

“The only question is,” I continued, dramatically pausing for a suspense effect. “How did she die?”

Veronica shrugged, but my mother took out something from her handbag. It was an old leather-bound journal, weather beaten and not unlike the one previously owned by Catalina.

“The answer to that is here,” she said in reply to our questioning looks. “Catalina’s second journal, she bought another one after they migrated. It was left to me by your grandma, and I only got it now from the mail.”

Mom skimmed the data on the paper she was holding while the two of us looked on.

“Catalina’s parents decided to migrate to another country after Esperanza died, and that was 1753. That maybe the reason why Catalina was able to hide from _her_ for a considerable length of time, and Catalina was also the original owner of the silver cross,” she glanced at me as I reached for the necklace underneath my shirt.

“So, she eventually had her own family in a different continent and when she had a granddaughter, she started the tradition of the cross-passing.”

“Wise woman,” Veronica commented.

My mom nodded thoughtfully. “She also narrated the night when the Viscount’s daughter visited her right after Esperanza died.”

I unconsciously held my breath as I hung on to every word my mother was saying. This was like the movie sequel of the first journal.

“The young Miss told her that Esperanza was poisoned by the vampire venom, and that’s the reason why she died.”

“Wait,” Veronica was obviously confused. “I thought that the venom’s supposed to turn you to a vampire? Isn’t that the purpose of it?”

“Apparently not all people can be turned,” Mom explained, sounding like a pathologist.

Honestly, this discussion was turning us to different types of people.

“Esperanza was one of them. Her body refused to accept the venom as a part of her; and as time went on, all of it accumulated from regularly feeding the Lady of the castle killed her.”

“The Lady was aware?” my voice came out as a hoarse whisper. I didn’t want to believe that Cheryl was that heartless to indirectly murder the very person who saved her.

“Esperanza never told her before, and when she did, it was too late.”

“So, the reason why she was after you was to apologize for the demise of your ancestor?” Veronica hopefully asked, looking for a confirmation.

But my mother shook her head sadly. “I don’t know what Esperanza told her on her deathbed, but she was led to believe that Esperanza will ultimately come back as another person through Catalina’s bloodline. And that’s the reason why she was after us.”

“That sucks,” Veronica said. “And that explains why she was very persistent in following the descendants. She thought you guys were reincarnations.”

“She’s not the only one to blame,” I threw in my two cents; I’m feeling like I’m a lawyer in a court. “Esperanza made a mistake by promising her something impossible, and she was wrong in the sense that she blindly followed that.”

“She wasn’t exactly in the wrong when she believed Esperanza.” Mom uttered almost defensively. “Because those women that she found, they were warned of her before. And yet, they still fell for her. It was repeated time and time again. For her, it must have meant that Esperanza was fulfilling the promise, and that’s why she wasn’t able to let go.”

The tone of my mother and the way she was talking made me think that whatever she found, it was more than what we wanted to know.

But I never had the guts to prod in further. Partly because I was afraid of finding out what things were still hidden in the dark.

+

“So…” Veronica squinted against the warm light flooding from the front door of our house. We were sitting on the doorstep and studying Catalina’s second journal.

“The only thing to keep her away from you was to give birth to the next generation,” she said, scrunching her nose in deep thought.

“One of the things.” I corrected her. _Another one was to kill her._

“With that in mind,” Veronica grinned foolishly, I can almost sense that she was up to something no-brainer. “I’ll have to get you pregnant.”

I quickly covered her mouth and glanced up to see if my mother was within hearing distance. “Can you not shout?” I hissed angrily.

She struggled to pry my hand off her lips, and giggled madly when she finally did. “Jeez, you should’ve seen your face. It was so funny.”

I moved to get up in annoyance but she grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry, I was just kidding. Don’t leave.”

I sighed and squatted beside her again. “I’m serious about this. It’s a matter of my life and death.”

“I know,” she said apologetically. “But the real solution to it is just don’t fall in love with her.”

_It’s not that simple, because no matter what I do, there’s always a part of me already in love with Cheryl._

“It’s all the same pattern,” Veronica’s voice broke through my train of thoughts. “She finds them, they fall for her, and they ended up dying.”

_She found me… I’m falling for her. Will I die in the end?_

“Or maybe,” Veronica added, putting an arm around me. “You can tell her that you’re not Esperanza’s reincarnation, and she can go look for another family to pester.”

How will I do that?

“I hope you still remember the last time we had a conversation at the lake?”

_If torridly kissing can ever be called a conversation._

“Actually…” Veronica briefly checked her phone when it displayed a new message. Then a shadow of smile showed on her face. “I have an idea.”

+

The message was from one of Veronica’s former squadmate, saying that there’s a party going on at the cheer captain’s house, and everyone was present.

We eventually had to lie to my mother to be able to go to the party, and my conscience was eating me alive while we were on our way. I just did a mental note that if ever I survive the night, I’ll never lie to her, ever again.

The said gathering had assembled a large crowd of youth of varying ages. The air around the house was a smoky haze, the scent of alcohol hung in the air like a fog in the early dawn; it was so much like a typical party, the only different thing was… it was silent.

But it wasn’t a complete silence, someone was singing.

It was a girl with a voice as cold as icy mists, as free as dandelions riding the summer breeze, as natural as the ocean waves, but also as old as time itself.

_“I will leave my heart at the door… I won’t say a word, they’ve all been said before you know… so why don’t we just play pretend, like we’re not scared of what’s coming next or scared of having nothing left…”_

Even before I saw her face, I knew that it was her who was singing.

_“Look, don’t get me wrong, I know there is no tomorrow… all I ask is if…”_

As if in trance, I entered the venue, hardly noticing Veronica following me.

The living room was large but it was packed with people gently swaying to the rhythm of the song. And as soon as I stepped in the house, the crowd parted in the middle, leaving a narrow clean path straight to the small circular platform where the girl was singing.

_“This is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend… give me a memory I can use… take me by the hand while we do what lovers do, it matters how this ends… ‘cause what if I never love again…”_

Cheryl was staring at me with pleading eyes while the flawless melody echoed from her.

My ancestors all tried to avoid her, but still they fell.

And now I’m trying to avoid her, but still I’m falling.

She was speaking of promises, of beautiful things, of opportunities, of love, of forever…

It was extremely tempting.

_“I don’t need your honesty it’s already in your eyes, and I’m sure my eyes they speak for me… no one knows me like you do and since you’re the only one that matters… tell me who do I run to…”_

I felt a warm drop of tear reluctantly ran down my cheek when I realized she wasn’t speaking to me. She was speaking to Esperanza. I was hurt, I felt betrayed. But I strongly reminded myself that it was never me she was seeing from the start.

_“Let this be our lesson in love, let this be the way we remember us… I don’t wanna be cruel or vicious, and I ain’t asking for forgiveness… All I ask is if this is my last night with you, hold me like I’m more than just a friend, give me a memory I can use… take me by the hand while we do what lovers do… it matters how this ends ‘cause what if I never love again…”_

I instinctively wiped the tear away when the song ended and applause exploded from the mesmerized audience. I was instantly guilty that I almost forgot Veronica was there until she whispered to me.

“I have to take this call, it’s my mom,” she fumbled with her phone and squeezed my hand before going out. “Don’t go anywhere.”

I assured her with a smile. “I won’t.”

The crowd was all over Cheryl now, requesting her to sing again, asking for a bit of her time, offering drinks.

I vaguely felt her gaze on me, but I decided to ignore it. I was here to end things, not to start something.

My eyes wandered around the room and it landed on the microphone in the middle of the platform. It was free, as everyone was busy talking and attending to the transfer’s needs.

_Opportunity._

I inhaled deeply, even if the air was sickly sweet and polluted my lungs.

_“Wish I could be the one, the one who could give you love… the kind of love you really need…”_

Heads turned when I started singing, no one saw me take the makeshift stage.

And the silence that followed the first line of the song was so heavy that I almost melted from embarrassment. But I needed to do this. I need to get my point across without personally talking to her.

_“Wish I could say to you, that I’ll always stay with you… but baby, that’s not me.”_

The sea of faces before me changed expression from confused to pleased as I went on bravely. A couple gave me an encouraging thumbs-up and I saw the cheer squad captain clapping quietly in the corner.

_“You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you, promise you forever, baby that’s something I can’t do. Oh, I could say that I’ll be all you need, but that would be a lie… I know I’ll only hurt you, I know I’ll only make you cry. I’m not the one you needed…”_

My sight met Cheryl’s. And my voice cracked ever so slightly when I saw the tears streaming down her face.

_“I love you, goodbye…”_

+

A part of me couldn’t stop aching whenever the memory of the transfer openly showing one of her deepest emotions comes back.

It felt like a sharp dagger was slicing my heart open. It wasn’t just an emotional pain, it was also physical.

I leaned against the brick wall of the side of the house, feeling the damp manicured grass under me as I sat weakly down on the ground. I had to go out despite of all the people suddenly wanting to know me and talk to me after I was done singing.

I feel like I won, but I also lost something. It was very complicated.

A pair of shoes made an appearance in front of me, and when I looked up, I realized it belonged to the cheer captain.

“Hi,” she said, almost hesitant which was very unlike her usual persona.

It reminded me of the day when Veronica first approached me, and the scene cheered me up a little.

“I was wondering if you know where Veronica is?” she asked politely. “I found her phone at the back of the house and I can’t find her anywhere. Maybe she dropped it.”

I got up, dusting the back of my jeans. I was in the middle of reaching for the phone in her outstretched hand when a thought struck me.

“Wait, she’s missing?” I asked her, suddenly nervous.

“I don’t know exactly for a fact if she’s missing,” the captain replied worriedly, sensing my discomfort. “You know, I can get people to look for her if you want.”

“No… no,” I stuttered. Why wasn’t my brain working when I needed it the most?

“Where’s the transfer?” I asked again, then rephrased the question when the captain’s face displayed confusion. “Cheryl? Where’s Cheryl?”

“I think she went home already but I’m not sure-”

_Fuck._

I didn’t wait for her to finish the sentence. I ran as fast as my feet could take me towards the first place that registered in my mind.

The lake.


	5. Goodbyes and Hellos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending and new beginnings...

I could feel my lungs burning, my heart working double-time to keep up, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins as I sprinted, walked, ran, stumbled my way towards the lake.

After I paused running to catch my breath, I panted, hands on my knees as I hungrily gasped for air. Drops of perspiration trickled from my forehead to my neck, soaking my already damp shirt.

Dread filled my stomach and it crept up to my chest and slowly spread to every part of my body. I felt like fainting from so much exhaustion, but I know that I can’t give up. I have to try and go on, even if I die trying.

The corners of my eyes bore salty bead of tears, threatening to fall down when my thoughts went to Veronica. I choked back a cry, and started running again. My feet and legs were so sore that I was sure if ever I trip and collapsed on the ground, I wouldn’t be able to get up again.

The lake finally came to view, and the silver moon proudly shining overhead was reflected on the still waters. A single figure was standing on the edge of the lake, waiting…

I gradually slowed down as I came closer, and finally stopped when I was at least three meters away from her.

“Where’s Veronica?” I asked in a raspy voice, my throat felt raw and sandy. I was still out of breath.

She turned to me unhurriedly, as if she was planning to survey the whole place first before talking. Her face was deceptively blank, and even more beautiful under the night sky.

“Where is she?” I asked louder, feeling the anger and frustration well up inside me.

Cheryl sighed, and waved her hand to the water almost lazily.

“We never had a lake like this then,” she mused wistfully. “All we had are the woods and the trees and the golden fields of grains. But you never wished for anything else.”

My mouth hung open in confusion. _Does she hear me at all?_

“We lived simply, but we were happy and we never wished for anything except to be with each other,” her voice dropped to a whisper and there was a layer of sadness in it.

“I still remember the times whenever you come to the castle and tutor me, and I would just stare at you in admiration, and you would scold me gently for not paying attention to the lessons.” Cheryl chuckled emptily.

“Do you remember when I got so daring and threatened to jump from the tower?” she asked softly, reminiscing the past while staring up at the stars.

I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I just stood there like a statue, momentarily forgetting the very reason why I came to see her.

“You asked me what should you do for me not to jump and I said…” she paused thoughtfully, blinking at the constellations above.

“I said… I said I would not jump if you let me kiss you, and-” Cheryl exhaled slowly, a shadow of smile displaying on her lips.

“You said yes… but you were blushing.”

The heat rapidly traveled from my toes to my face like raging molten lava out of a volcano. But I didn’t feel like interrupting her, I was hooked to her recounting the past.

Her brown eyes flicked to me, and there was a playful smile in it.

“We were happy and content, and I loved you more than anything, more than my life,” her face was shadowed with gloom. “But that _thing_ happened and I knew I was going to die…”

I felt a lump on my throat and a warm feeling in my eyes as I watched her solidly-built walls crumbled down.

“My only regret if I die is that I have to leave you and we would not be together again, but you didn’t let me…” her voice broke faintly. “I wished you did.”

I blinked against my dimming sight and a pair of tears rolled down my cheeks. I tasted the bitter-salty droplets in my mouth, not unlike her emotions right now.

“The cost of saving me was your life and I hated myself for it,” she continued almost inaudibly. I could feel the pain in her voice, and it was hurting me too.

“But you promised me you’ll come back, I only have to look for you. And in every lifetime I find you, I tried so hard to make you happy, to make up for the life you lost. But it seems like fate didn’t want us together…”

Cheryl covered her mouth with one pale hand as a sob escaped from her lips. “Why did you have to die every time? Why do you always have to break my heart and leave me? Do you hate me that much?”

“I’m not her…” I said, tears continuously leaking out from my eyes.

She looked at me, and we were both crying, albeit for different reasons.

“You promised me…” she almost pleaded. “Please, I don’t care if this is the last time… but please, choose me.”

It was getting hard to breathe through my tears but I managed to deny her even if my refusal broke my own heart.

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

She fell to her knees, her dark dress made a rough circle around her.

“I beg you, please,” she wept, a stream of crystal tears flowing down her face.

I shook my head, and covered my eyes. I can’t bear to see her like this, it rips me apart.

“I’m not Esperanza,” I replied as clearly as I could. “I’m not Hope…”

And from her reaction, I sensed that only the two of them knew about her nicknaming Esperanza as Hope.

There was silence for a while as realization slowly dawned on her and then she screamed to the moon and the stars and the vast sky… of broken oaths, of endless love, of pain and blood, of centuries of loneliness, of life and deaths, of beauty and madness.

I let her spill out her feelings and deepest thoughts. I let her curse the immortality that was forcibly given to her. I let her cried out for every moment that she was cold and alone, undying and yet not nearly alive. I let her drown in sweetness of memories and the bitterness of heartbreaks.

I watched her loved, and lived and die. And all over again.

Those emotions she released filled me and shattered me apart. I wept for her.

As hours went by, we eventually ran out of things to cry over. Or maybe our hearts just got tired and needed a little silence and rest.

I raised my face to the heavens and inhaled the early dawn. Then it struck me, the sun will be up soon and she’s still here.

I yanked my cross necklace off and dropped it on the ground beside my feet, and then carefully walked to her figure sitting on the gravelly floor of the shore.

“You have to go,” I told her, kneeling in front of her. “The sun…”

“No reason for me to live anymore,” she replied in a tired voice, lifting her gaze to mine. “I was only after you.”

“No, please,” I could feel an impending sob again. “There are a lot of things to live for. It doesn’t have to be just me or Esperanza. Please, go.”

She shook her head and smiled at me. “You don’t understand, I only exist for you,” she whispered, caressing my cheek with a warm hand.

“Cheryl, no,” I couldn’t hold back my emotions anymore. “Go, you don’t have to do this! You don’t have to die…”

“Death is yet another big adventure,” she pressed her lips to the side of my face and wiped my tears. “Someone said that… and please don’t cry.”

“Cheryl, listen to me,” I cupped her face with my palms, forcing her to directly look at me. “You will find another person worthy of you. I’m not the end of it, you could love again. Please, do it for me?”

“I apologize, my lady,” she said softly, but her eyes were determined. “My decision is final.”

“Fuck this,” I growled. “If I have to drag you out of here, I would-”

Suddenly, her mouth was over mine and my body was against hers. I kissed her back with much passion I never thought I possessed.

I let her know that I care, and I love her, that she will always be a part of me for eternity, but this particular lifetime was not meant for us to have.

I started to feel the breaking daylight and first rays of the waking sun.

I hugged her, trying to shield her body from the piercing light. But she just smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek, whispering it’s okay, that she will be fine, and there will be no pain and hurt where’s she’s going.

And she’s finally free.

I stared at her, and she was literally glowing and her beauty was so ethereal it was hard to believe she wasn’t some kind of a goddess. And in contrast to me, she appeared perfectly calm.

I cried again as flames started to gnaw the ends of her dress, but she hugged me, and stroked my back gently and comforted me. I didn’t try to shy away from the flames as it started its upward journey to her hair and upper body.

But there was no burn of the fire, only warmth and soothing feeling licked my skin exposed to it. And as the blaze completely enveloped her whole being, she kissed me again, softer and for goodbye.

“Thank you, Toni…”

+

I watched her ashes flew with the morning breeze, scattering it across the lake and the air, towards the sky, where the stars and infinite galaxies reside.

I whispered a prayer along with her remains, and wished her peace and happiness.

She called me by my name, for the first and the last time.

I felt numb. I couldn’t cry anymore, I think I ran out of tears.

I still ache for her, but the relief was there. She just decided her fate, she choose to die in her own way. She finally learned how to let go.

I sighed, my breathing was still heavy and my mind was still blurry. But I have to move on, I need to. The earth’s still spinning, my life goes on, I still have school, my family…

The familiar perfume floated to me and when I looked up, she was standing beside me, holding the cross necklace in her hands.

“She told me that the missing kids were in a basement of her house,” she said quietly. “And she needed help in moving them out. They didn’t remember much about what happened but they were fine and well.”

I didn’t respond, I was waiting for her _other_ explanation.

After a while, she confessed. “I left my phone on purpose.”

“You knew I would come here for you.” I said, a tone of accusation in it.

“I knew you would,” she bowed her head apologetically. “And I’m sorry for tricking you, but it was the last favor she asked from me.”

She sat beside me, handing me back the necklace. I just smiled and leaned my head on her shoulder, and we both sat there watching the place go brighter as moments went by. It was the beginning of a perfect day, the trees were alive, the blades of grasses were swaying to the rhythm of stillness, the birds were twittering.

“I’m sorry.”

I nodded, I felt too tired to talk and I don’t really know what to say.

“You know, she’s the most beautiful when she sun shines on her,” Veronica murmured after a while of reigning silence.

I agreed. It was a pity that the world wouldn’t be able to see her that way again. I vaguely wondered if Cheryl wasn’t the way she was and we met at the present day, would we have a chance together?

Few minutes passed and I let the unspoken words be unspoken. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t the first in her life, but it meant to me that I was the last. Someday, maybe if I wasn’t so scared anymore, I would find more about her and the existence she led.

But in the meantime…

I got up, and took the silver cross with me to the edge of the water. I wound my arm way back like a baseball pitcher and threw the necklace as far as I could. It landed with a soft plop and was swallowed by the lake in an instant.

It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. Maybe it was the same feeling when Cheryl finally accepted that Esperanza’s never coming back.

Veronica took my hand and we both said our goodbyes to the wind, hoping that it would carry our last farewells to the soul of the transfer student, wherever she may be.

And then, we began our journey back home.

 

 

**EPILOGUE**

 

Two years later…

First day at the university. First day being independent. First day of the new beginning of my life.

I inhaled that sweet scent of unrestrained freedom I’ll be drowned in for 4 years (or more) of my university life. All while trying to get through the swarm of students flooding the hallways of the dorm, and dragging a very large trolley containing most of my stuff behind me, wheels squeaking on the tiled floor.

I took some time off after graduating from high school. It was advised by my psychiatrist after _that_ incident at the lake. We did everything we could for me to recover physically, mentally, and emotionally.

All the distractions and traveling did most of the trick, but there was this old wound inside that just wouldn’t heal no matter what I do.

My family and friends helped a lot. Veronica and I remained very good friends but we realized that we didn’t yet have enough courage try to go further than that.

Maybe given enough time?

Finally, after roughly fifteen minutes of navigating a twenty-meter hall, I arrived at my designated room. I double-checked the number on my key because I don’t want to accidentally enter the wrong room on my very first day.

That would be an epic fail. Even by my standards.

I tried the doorknob, and to my surprise, it was unlocked.

Maybe my roommate was earlier than I am.

I pushed the door open and pulled my trolley inside. I didn’t notice the other girl standing with her back to me on the opposite side of the barren room.

I raised my eyes, caught her figure, and froze in the spot.

She turned slowly, her long red hair basking in light of the early afternoon. The sun was gentle and golden on her skin. Her white dress fluttered with the slight breeze.

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until my lungs were hurting from the lack of oxygen. I inhaled slowly, afraid to break the fragility of the moment.

She had the same eyes, nose, lips…

My jaws hung in disbelief. My heart protested loudly inside my ribcage. My head exploded and one name rolled off my tongue.

“Cheryl?”

The girl smiled, a little shy. She shook her head and extended her right hand to me.

“It’s Cherrie. You must be my roommate?”

I stared at her for a minute longer, and then took her hand. It was warm and friendly. A torrent of familiar feelings rushed me and I ached inside.

“So,” Cherrie let out a hesitant laugh. “Are you gonna tell me your name?”

I swallowed my embarrassment, and my eyes drifted to the open window where a copious amount of sunlight slanted through and showered the girl with it.

She looked ethereal.

I chuckled inwardly as the image from the lake two years ago replayed in my mind. She looked the same as _her_. Even her voice was similar.

Fate has a cruel sense of humor. And so did Life.

I sighed deeply, gathered up my confidence, and smiled back.

“I’m Toni, and I’m your roommate.”


End file.
